I'm afraid you've fallen prey to some rather destructive myths about sex.
Almost everyone feels insecure about masturbation—or self-pleasuring. One of the reasons we’re so uncomfortable with it is because we don’t receive any accurate information, but rather grow up hearing lots of myths which are not supported by factual data. We all want to know that what WE do is OK. From your note, it looks like you feel that it’s somehow harmful or wrong. It sounds like you’re worried that self-pleasuring is some kind of “condition” or illness. Not true
Self-pleasuring doesn’t affect your body in any negative way. What it CAN do, like any strenuous exercise, is either energize you or make you feel tired. Exercise affects everyone different, so it’s possible that after an orgasm, you feel tired, the same way as after a brisk work-out. And you know that later, you’ll regain your energy. The difference here is that no one has told you that working out is going to affect you permanently, so you haven’t begun to worry and stress about exercise the way you’re worrying and stressing about self-pleasuring.
One reason these myths about semen and strength still prevail is that after orgasm, there is a period in which men cannot have another orgasm--the "Refractory Period." Think of it as a time when your body is resting in order to build up its ability to orgasm again, if you will. It's just a rest period, and nothing to worry about. This period varies from man to man, depending on age, physical health and other factors. It’s a biological process, and has nothing to do with how often you self-pleasure, etc.
And that liquid that's coming out of your penis? It's called Cowper's Gland secretion,and is the result of sexual arousal. Your penis isn’t leaking. It’s behaving exactly as your body is telling it to do. When post-pubescent (adult) men become sexually aroused, the Cowper’s Gland secretes a milky fluid, also known as "pre-come." Some men produce large amounts of this fluid, while others produce very little. Everyone is different. This fluid clears the urethra of uric acid prior to ejaculation. Without this fluid, many of the sperm carried in semen would be killed or damaged by the acid contained in urine. So when you get turned on, that’s what happens: Cowper’s Gland fluid comes out the end of your penis.
You've heard myths about it, so now let’s talk about what we actually DO know about self-pleasuring.
It’s the surest way to orgasm and the most effective way to learn about our sexual response cycle, as well as the surest way men to learn orgasmic control. If you feel you come too quickly, the surest way to slow down is to teach yourself a new pattern via self-pleasuring.
Another advantage is self-knowledge: How can you show a partner what you like if you don’t know yourself?
And the #1 reason for self-pleasuring: it’s fun!
Self-pleasuring is a part of who you are sexually—for your whole life, not just when you don’t have a partner. People self-pleasure from birth to death, when they’re alone and when they’re partnered. It’s just one of many options we have as sexual beings. It’s not better or worse than partner sex, just different—like steak is different than chicken.
Remember that all our scientific data show that the people who take responsibility for their OWN pleasure have the best sex lives and rate themselves as happiest about their sexuality. So please stop torturing yourself, accept your sexuality as a gift and start enjoying life.
About your other concerns: Welcome to your 30’s! Erections go up and down, and your experience of orgasm may change. You’ll find this happening all your life. Don’t expect that your sexuality will be exactly the same from year to year. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex, but you have to let go of such a narrow definition of what constitutes “good.” Some men find that keeping up the same amount of self-pleasuring as well as partner sex can be a bit tiring. If you want to build up sexual tension so that you’re really turned on with your partner, you may want to experiment with how frequent you self-pleasure. Remember that everyone is different, and whatever works for you is what works for you. There’s no magic “formula” here.
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. Ask yourself whether you have any conflicts about being sexual—any old messages that might be lurking in your subconscious.
Your body is working fine—it’s your heart/brain that’s getting in the way. For more information about erection issues, attitude, etc., I highly recommend the book “The New Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D. It’s widely available both used and in paperback and is an invaluable resource.
Relax, stop putting pressure on yourself and enjoy sex for what it is: pleasure. Give yourself permission to enjoy whatever happens—and find partners who aren’t hung up on performance issues either. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
Thanx for replying me Docter Janice M Epp. I have another few questions. 1) When ever i hear or talk to some lady or just see sexy picture my penis get up in upward direction and liquid coming out time by time when ever i think or talk to any female. After some time it get down. And most important thing 2) how i increase my timing regarding semen come out from penis.
Because timing is important for give pleasuer to your life patner. As much as i take time in sextual intercourse with her she enjoyed and satisfied. You are doctor yoou better know this matter. Please give me better advise. 3) Since i was just 12 or 14 i masturbation a lot, did it impact on my memory because i think i have very bad memory.
I m still single, i will marry after one or two year, i m not sure right now. 4)After orgasm there is difference from my teen to now. When i was teen it feel awesome after orgasm but now i m not feeling as much pleasure as in teen.